I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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