I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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