I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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