Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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