I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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