her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
