remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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