You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
