I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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