I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
