I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
