My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
