I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
