Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
