Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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