She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
