the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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