She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
