Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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