It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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