I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
