I puked a lego.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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