I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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