You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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