so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
