I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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