im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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