i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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