this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
