Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
