maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
