No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
