Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
