ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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