As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
