No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
