Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
