why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
