I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
