Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
