i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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