I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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