I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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