i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
