if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
