he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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