And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Found the puke drawer
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
