I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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