I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
