I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
