my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
