Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
