dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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