We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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