grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
