Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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