This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm always down for nudity.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
